By Myra Mayer
“If babies had guns, they wouldn’t be aborted.”
Such is the wit and wisdom of Rep. Steve Stockman (R-Texas).
This is going to be his campaign slogan which he publicized via Twitter Friday, and of course it’s all over the Internet now. The Atlantic threw something up, Time magazine, Slate, and of course the Huffington Post.
So why, after reading four short articles by leading magazines, do I still not understand what it means? For Godsakes, it sounds like something Colbert came up with to confuse Bill O’Reilly.
But, really. Is this supposed to be Republican humor? Why would the Republican party dare to debut it’s sense of humor on such a freakish conjoined-at-the-hot-button issue?
No, I’d rather think that it’s supposed to be taken seriously. After all, does this guy look self-aware and capable of irony?
Of course you can’t tell just by looking at him and shame on you for trying. But if it is a joke, perhaps it’s not good strategy. From here on out, when I think of the conservative moral majority, I’m going to picture a fetus in fatigues with an AR-15 asking the doctor if he’s feelin’ lucky.
Oh, wait, I already do.
All joking aside, I’d place this slogan in its own genre: awkwardly halfway between ironic and frank in the same way that halfway between glasses and contacts is getting a piece of glass in your eye.
The slogan does, however, certainly expose something about the mind of Rep. Stockman and his cohorts. Either they’re really cool about ribbing their own infantile vision of morality, chuckling at the way they defend every fetus’s right to come into a world where, chances are, they’ll get their hands on a gun sooner or later and, if they’re mother really wasn’t in the position to support an unplanned child, end up finding support in a street gang or the military.
Or, the slogan proves that Stockman is serious about all this and hasn’t the dimmest idea why liberals are buying up his bumper stickers faster than he can print them.
Matter of fact, I plan to stick one right next to my unionized same-sex climate weed sticker.